Maybe Someday
by JAMonMyToast
Summary: Jim can tell you how it all happened. PS, cute ending.


**This is just a hasty oneshot...I have seriously run into a mental block with my story "Jim and Pam: Past, Present, and Future". I just need to get my Jam juices flowing. I couldn't sleep, so sorry about errors. This is what happens at midnight when I get up and type with shaky fingers. In the dark.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own these characters, or well-known office moments. And everyone knows that.**

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Sometimes Jim remembers meeting her that day in Cuginos, seeing the pretty red hair and throwing in comments to make her giggle. He'll go back to seeing the room light up when she smiled. How the stars came from her eyes. The way the sun reflected off her laugh.

He has flashbacks of seeing the ring, sparkling and happy and bursting of promises that she holds on to. The way he was about to ask her if she wanted to hang out sometime, just before it was glittering off her small finger. He'll remember the flood of disappointment, blocking out his last breath and shoving tears from his eyes.

He came to work every day, just to make Dwight angry and her happy. She'll never know, but he would've stopped with the pranks if it didn't make her laugh so hard. Or the fact that he ate ham and cheese for lunch, day after day, just to save money. He had a budget and a plan. It started out as just a lunch he ate, but it turned into him saving the dollars, them slowly adding up. Because he never let go of his dream of buying her a house. With a terrace. Everything she ever wanted.

He could give her eveyrthing, if she only asked for it. But she didn't, she stayed with Roy. And Roy wouldn't even give her his hand in marriage, not until she sat for three long years, planning the most beautiful day of her life. What dress, what veil, and the one night Jim had his chance, when he could have said something and shown her how much he loved her, he didn't. His words failed him, and his heart shattered. Roy was drunk and stumbling when he said "June 10th." She smiled and danced with him and kissed and was beaming. Jim broke up with Katy.

He still goes back to saying "Let's break up" and then sitting on the boat, where everyone was drunk and Pam was happy and his words had retreated. Sitting a few feet away from her while she talked on the phone, planning her wedding day. He could tell us exactly what he had said to Toby, ranting about how she could plan it at home, and he could explain how his head was pounding when Michael read his complaint in front of the whole office.

He wanted to make that frown go away, so she could smile for the picture, but she wouldn't smile. She was ao angry, confused at why Jim wasn't happy for her. But he couldn't tell her. Not once. Not until he decided that he was leaving, then he could tell her.

He has the dress, sitting in his mind, that periwinkle shimmer that made her look like a goddess. He was having fun that night, coughing to make Dwight fold and losing to her, just to see her smile. Just to note that little way she giggled when she leaned in to slide her chips towards her. The tip of his glass, "Well done, Beesly." It's all there, and he wishes that he would have known what was coming, the heartache, sliding to the floor with tears in his eyes, after hearing her words.

He knows he was earnest, truthful, when he said his part.

_"I just needed to you to know. Once."_

The words weren't thought out or rehearsed, he just told her how he felt. And she needed to know, once, so she woudln't make the mistake. and even though she didn't respond the way he wanted, she was being truthful too.

_"I can't."_

That one tear he shed in front of her was like fire, blazing down his cheek, tearing down his emotions and hopes. His love was the water, destroying those thoughts and never forgetting her. That voice. The laugh he coaxed out every day.

He left, needing to get away and throwing himself in front of his work. Letting it empower him. He made sales, played pranks on Andy. But there was no red-headed receptionist to laugh. Just a trash can to kick over. That was it.

The suits, the hair, the tuna sandwich. Those were the bricks that made the walls around his heart, blocking out memories and love and hope. Blocking out Pam. Karen was the contractor, helping him construct the shield. She was his excuse.

Karen was great, confident and beautiful and funny. He had her, and she was a goner for him. When they heard about the merge, he was happy that she was there. Any thoughts he had about how he hadn't moved on were smothered with Karen. He had moved on. She was proof.

She was an excuse. And excuses weren't enough. They weren't enough when she asked him the question that tested his mind and self-control and thoughts and fears. Yes, he did have feelings for Pam.

He can remember talking all night with Karen, her wanting to know his feelings, how to make their relationship better. He never needed to talk with Pam. That's what he told himself, when he found out the wedding had been cancelled, because of him. He wishes that he had known that would happen, so he could stay in Scranton, but he didn't know. All he knew was the electric kiss. Nothing had ever felt so right until then.

Her lips, soft on his, her small hand in his hair. He can still feel in at night, when he's sleeping. The way she almost pushed him away with her tiny fist, but it was a weak attempt, she _grew _weak. She grew weak because she knew what was there. She knew that the kiss really did mean something, so instead of pushing him further away, it brushed against his shoulder and roamed to his soft brown hair. The soft creamy skin brushing through his unkempt style.

It was the hardest thing ever, walking away. After hearing that she was going to marry Roy. She was going to make that mistake and so he left. Surrounding himself in Karen and laughs. Turning his desk the other way so he wouldn't have to look at her. But he felt her eyes, the back of his neck, reading his mind. She could always do that. Always. It wasn't magical or a special connection, it was just the way it was. There was no questioning it.

Seeing her note, "Don't forget me." He wouldn't ever. He never actually did. In Stamford, he never forgot her. In Scranton he would always remember the friendship they once had, before feelings and love came into the open. He would always remember that.

And the realization that he had to make one last try, another stab, came over him, he turned down Wallace and got in his car. The doubts and fears coming over him, he knew what could happen. And that is what kept him going.

What she said yes, he somehow managed to keep a straight face and say "Ok, then it's a date." He doesn't know how, just that he did. And going to dinner, hearing her laugh and giggle and seeing her smile was what made him keep the nothing job at Scranton. The only reason.

He still feels tingles when she holds his hand. He can bring back the memory of the camera crew showing them the footage, him kissing her. They way she said "I don't wanna speak for Jim, but it's going really great." She _had_ said everything for him. It was going great. The silly smile he couldn't keep off his face was giving him away.

He wasn't lying when he said that he loved Italian food, because he did. But he also wasn't putting on a show when he kissed her passioniately, out of the blue. Because he was indeed in love with Italian food.

The night of the goodbye party was perfect. The band, the fireworks, Everything. He thought that since they had first kissed here, he had poured out his heart here, had his first meal with her here, it only seemed fit. Being here. the one place that brought them together. Michael could take credit, because it was technically him who brought both of them here.

The failing mid-size paper company didn't have the best prices or much of anything to offer, but it was where Jim Halpert's life started. He didn't even care anymore, if it ended here as well, but he would always look back on this place as where it all began.

The proposal was ruined, but he would find a way to make her happy. Always. It didn't matter, just as long as she was happy. That's all he ever wanted. It had started as making her laugh, and slowly turned to "Will you marry me?"

He still keeps his arms around her at night, just to let God and Jesus know that he hasn't forgotten the struggle it was, to get here. He still holds her, to keep her safe and maybe just to remind himself that he made it. She was his. She was really here.

Sometimes he gets up and checks the bassinet, a smiling baby girl that looks just like her mother. Someday she'll hypnotize some boy into loving her. Maybe someday Pam would get a late-night phone call from Allie, hearing that her best friend just confessed his love for her. Maybe someday Pam will ask her what her own mother asked her: Do you love him back?

Maybe someday Allie will say yes, I think I do. And there will be a boy, happier than anyone else on earth, keeping his arms around Allie just to make sure she's still there.

Hey, maybe someday.

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**Tell me what you thought or I will kill you. Ok, I won't. I'm not that brutal. And I can't track you down. But I really want to know what my _on the fly_ work is like. Review, review, review!**


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